One on One wid life!!!! March 11, 2008

Well, I myself don’t know why I am writing this sort of stuff ??? But I know one thing…that I want to write…I just want to keep myself occupied…thats the motive behind it …you guys might be thinking…what is going on in my life these days…if I were to answer it in a simple way…I would just have said “shit”…yes I really don’t know who but someone is very rite in saying that ”shit happens”…it just happens in your life!!!!
Speaking about myself, I am not at all patient…and if I tell you that I am an engineering student 1st year…and that too from iit…then some smart people out of you can easily figure out the track on which my life is these days and reasons for it… is this the life I dreamt of???… What is my existence??…who am I???…what is my purpose of living???…why I should wait for tomorrow???…these questions have been troubling me for a long time…I really don’t know the answers of these questions…actually the problem with me is that I know myself in a far better way then anyone should know himself or herself…to be frank…I don’t want to accept the realities of life…however I have faced the consequences ….but still I feel that it should not have been in this way…I always want myself to be correct even if others are not…but life never goes like that!!!!
Life dictates its own terms and conditions to you and at times you have none other options left but to follow them…I have been the victim of same…if I am being true to myself then I can say one thing with utmost confidence that life has never taken the same turn in its course as I wanted …its been a game in which I have been losing for quite a long time…but as they say….”if u cant win a game…start taking interest in losing it”…so its easygoing now a days and words like these give me pleasure and inspiration at times…
Then pondering over one another issue, a major feeling…one important thought that has been consistently flashing through my mind….ya you guessed right…its “happiness”…as you would all expect I never tasted it for a long time and if I did in the eyes of others…then it never gave me internal satisfaction coz I never worked whole heartedly for those things…and they were never my dreams…now coming this far and at this point in life I feel that…human nature is so constructed that it gives affection to those who seem to least demand it…the man…,therefore, who endeavours to purchase affection by benevolent actions becomes disillusioned by experience of human ingratitude.